dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
