I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
false alarm. still invincible.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize