he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
