I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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