my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
