don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize