i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
