I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
