I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
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