you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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