you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize