If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We have so much sex to catch up on
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
