Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize