I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
