Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
