Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize