I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
