you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
