I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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