Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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