Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
