You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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