i don't like sucking hair
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize