There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
tequila makes me forget i have legs
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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