He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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