It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
