i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
