I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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