Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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