Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize