Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I intend to get homeless drunk
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
