During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
