I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
