oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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