ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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