Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
