and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
