Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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