I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i need some magic done to my vagina
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
