So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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