Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
