Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Do vagina's smell?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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