Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
