He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize