if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
