I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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