How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
