FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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