First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
