It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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