____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
