Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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