he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
