wat bout pragnant strippers??
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
