I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
