Barsexuality is the new black.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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