My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
