All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
