I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
