I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
