Apparently you make a good broom.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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