Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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