Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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