Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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