and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
