hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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