I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
