Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
