She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
