just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize