summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
