hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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