My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
