You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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