His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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