I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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